2 bucks for hot chocolate? Fuck that shit!

With the coming mid-term crunch and the recent snow storm that began this past weekend firing my nerves into the redzone, I believe it is time for me to unleash yet another assault on the painstaking retardation that is the real world. That is afterall why Napalm Waltz was created - to relentlessly make a mockery of the way things really are.

Today I stepped into a fast-food coffee shop (the wonderful mecca of our local culture - Dunken Donuts!) to purchase a cup of hot chocolate as part of my snow storm tradition. I was absolutely flabbergasted to find that my hot chocolate cost me just over two dollars. It wasn't even the largest size, and only two weeks ago I was able to buy a medium for a dollar seventy-five. How far gone are the 90s when I could just walk into a Dunks and buy a cup for a buck and a quarter?

It would appear to me then that the six-year-old boys in Indonesia, the wonderful laborers responsible for farming those cocoa beans, are dwindling in number. Bengal tigers taking a cut out of the work force? It's a far more colorful explanation for increase in prices than the rather boring and morose depression (let's start calling it what it is.) that has been forced down my throat by the media every fifteen seconds. In this case I propose a garrison of commandos be unleashed into the jungles of Ghana and Indonesia to protect the mighty American Consumer Empire's investment in the region. These arent' just any crack troops by the way. They're a terrible force camoflauged in the most threatening fatigues an intergalactic clone combantant could muster from any flamboyant wardrobe.

MOTHERFUCKING TIGER FORCE!

I propose that we begin by enlisting the Finns and work our way through the rest of Scandinavia first. It's their fault that those five year old jungle boys are busting their chops in hazardous conditions in the first place. Of course, the United States will be the provider of logistics and special weapons, but have you ever tried to steal a cup-o-joe off of a Finn? Fuck that shit. I predict the extinction of Bengal tigers in south east Asia by mid-2010.

//Nic

Now playing: Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas (Don't fuck with Kansas.)

PS: I could just go to New Hampshire where the cost of goods is about 15% cheaper, but do I really want a 15% temperature decrease as well?